Morgan's Rules for Trimet

This January I celebrated my one year anniversary of my first post-degree-I'm-out-in-the-real-world-job. I work downtown and take public transportation and in celebration of my one year marker as a competent working adult I decided to reflect on rules that, to my knowledge, do not exist for Trimet riders, but very well should*.

1. Eating anything more messy or complicated than a granola bar or piece of gum is disallowed. Specifically prohibited items include: oatmeal, tacos, salad, corn on the cob and sushi.

2. Riders should refrain from polluting the air around them with both commercially manufactured smells--hairspray, perfume, etc--as well as smells produced by the human body--smells emanating from dreadlocks, from a lack of deodorant, from a lack of laundry soap, from a lack of toothpaste or smells associated with gastrointestinal malfunction. If you are seated two people away and I am made uncomfortable because of the stench of your breath, you need to get off the bus and see a doctor. Also, if your addiction to nicotine causes you to smell like you just stepped out of a camp fire then you too need to get off the bus and get some pictures taken of your lungs. Smoking kills, man. You and me. (And it makes you smell like shit).

3. No carts/bags/luggage that wouldn't be allowed in an overhead storage bin by the TSA. You need to get a cab or cull the number of items you cart to work with you ev-uh-ryyy single day.

4. Riders should limit cell phone conversations, especially if the person they are talking to is in a wind tunnel or a jet engine, causing you to yell into your cell phone, to no longer than 2 minuets.


*These rules are based on a years worth of observed behavior of regular commuter riders. I'm not judging transients or people without permanent housing, its okay with me if they stink, eat up a storm, carry all of their luggage or talk loudly. I understand that they need a break.